I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
