Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
