oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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