just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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