Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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