I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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