i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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