hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
