It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
