Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
