Those balls look pretty dangerous.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
