Are we in a gay sports bar?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Randomize
