I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
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