we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
a search helicopter?!
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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