I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
