So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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