if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
