so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
