Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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