Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
