The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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