Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
