he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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