omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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