Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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