You can't motorboat a personality
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
