Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
