even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
