so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize