The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
This is the high leading the old right now
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
