just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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