it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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