do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
