Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
