My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
