Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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