Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
