so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
