Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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