you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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