Your dad touched me again.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
