Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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