I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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