What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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