I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
