So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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