i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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