Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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