we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
