if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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