I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize