also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
