you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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