My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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