...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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