I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize