Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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