Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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