Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
