man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
is that a dick in a sweater?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
i believe in u and ur pee
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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