white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
