Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
