If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
