There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
