I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
