Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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