Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
