in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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