Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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