I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
