New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
