you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
