Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize