I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize