1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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