miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
