like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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