does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
