Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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