Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
