You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
