The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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