she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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