You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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