Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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