new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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