im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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