So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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