some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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