Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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