i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
