You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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