He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
