Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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