She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
