Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You made out with two different species that night
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
