DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
