He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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