oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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