so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
mondays should just be called national damage control day
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
