I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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