He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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