i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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