remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize