If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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