In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
