I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i think i have two assholes
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
