I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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