Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
